September has always been a time for a reset and new beginnings. I think it became a blur when I moved to Florida as a late teen. Class doesn’t start in September here, it starts in August and that alone was weird. September is so full of life and movement with it being a huge frame for the fashion world and the editors in it. It ignites the start of a new season (my favorite), fall. I get sad over not being able to truly feel the temperature and colors change during this time. Lately, I’ve been awfully sad about living where I live period. It’s just SO boring. I’m so tired of seeing and doing the same thing every single day. Let me not get distracted, that’s another topic for a different day. September is also my birthday month.
That aside, my heart swells with happiness at the thought of summer being over. Although I don’t get snow or chilling temperatures in the single digits here, I can look forward to crispy early mornings and chilly nights. Honestly, the last 3 or so months I have not left my place unless I’ve absolutely had to and I’m not sorry for it. It’s one thing to go outside and thrive- it’s another thing to feel miserable as soon as you step out those doors.
August was an interesting month. I went from being super excited to finally meet a great friend of mine, Tamira, to being detrimentally sad over my uncle’s death. It all happened too quickly for my mind to process and heart to grasp. It all happened within days from each other.
Meeting Tamira was everything I thought it would be. She’s as easy to talk to in person as she is online or over the phone. The first time we spoke on the phone, we spoke for 6 hours. I kid you not. It felt like I had a best friend in high school all over again. She’s such a good friend and overall person. I definitely look forward to the next time we meet!
During her visit, I had an uncle who was in the hospital dying from cancer. It was sudden and unexpected. Can you imagine how distracted I’d been? She saw me cry in raw moments. She saw me paranoid every time I looked at my phone. She heard me question my faith and the good of the universe. I was so heartbroken. It was almost hard to have a good time, but she understood and just lend her ear.
We were by the pool on a Thursday when I got a call from my aunt saying things were speedingly regressing. They had stopped feeding him, he had stopped speaking. I booked my flight right with her because I would be leaving with her the same day she went back to her home.
Early on Sunday morning, we said goodbye. We were dropped off in opposite terminals and I didn’t know what to feel. I walked away leaving my husband, my son, my friend, and her daughter behind. The automatic doors slid open and there I was, on my way back to New York City where I haven’t been in a while. It felt absolutely surreal to have to return under the most heart-wrenching circumstance.
Getting there was extremely smooth. Thank God there was no hassle whatsoever because my anxiety was already through the roof. I loved traveling alone. Being alone helped me cope with my emotions in a way that being accompanied would not. I had hours to self-reflect and feed my mind with positive thoughts. I read and used my laptop on the plane, so time flew by.
When I arrived in NYC, I had to take a bus to meet my Uber and just like that, I was on my way to the hospital. I checked in and the security told me my uncle was on the 6th floor, the Hudson wing. You wouldn’t imagine the view from his window. I was face to face with the George Washington bridge and it was an extremely nostalgic moment for me, recalling my past and so many memories I had with my father right there in Manhattan.
Tamira (who works part time in the medical field) told me to be strong because my uncle was probably going to look unfamiliar since he was in his last days. Boy was she right. It took one deep breath before I started sobbing. In this post, I describe what that first moment was like.
My uncle died the next day. I had made it just in time and I’ll always thank God for that chance. He got to see me, and I know he saw his brother (my father), through my eyes.
This was all just 2 weeks ago. I’m still really, really affected by that experience and I’ve lost a lot of motivation. I will say, the visit to the city did something to me. When all was done, I took some time out and visited old concrete I’d always walk with my father. I was around the corner of Washington Heights, where everyone and their moms are Dominican. I went to el Malecon which is a super popular Dominican restaurant right around the corner of W 175 St. It was so crowded. I thought of my father. I people-watched people from my culture, eating, drinking and having a great time. I relived so many memories of my own and saw them come to an end.
I walked and walked everywhere until I could no longer feel my feet. On my last day, I explored. I was staying at the NYLO hotel (which was amazing, btw. More about that on my Instagram), and that was on the upper west side, so I had a bit of commute between there and say, SoHo where I spent the rest of my time taking pictures (which was extremely therapeutic) and people-watching.
I have some moments I’ll never forget from the days I spent there and I will probably share them over time between the blog and my Instagram. Right now I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. Journaling is one of them. I’m also thinking about the direction I want to take my blog in because frankly, I’m quite bored with how it all is right now. Stay tuned.